Haven’t posted for a while here. Lots of good and bad has happened and I think life has a vendetta against me.
I’m moving schools (the feeling of intruding, not belonging has never been so strong. I’ve also come to realize how much instrusive thoughts I’ve had about the program..not good. I also hate the stares. It gets on my skin.), worried about the change and how it’ll affect my OSAP. I had to tend grind my teeth together, keep my fists af the side before I do something stupid because my lovable mother decided to hate the college I wanted to transfer. Granted, her points regarding the move especially this late in the semester were valid. It was the hate that got myself snarling internally. I try to be peaceful and not hate but it’s hard to repress anger sometimes. You’ve been doing it for so long that the bottles become too full.
Bleh! It’s over and passed now with a compromise and a threat (sort of?)! I’ve decided to fight for it even if it means taking a bit of extreme measures. She basically told me if I don’t get my butt moving the way she wants, we’ll just go home back to my birth country but I have nothing there and rather die than be stuck in a place I have no friends nor sense of belonging than being born! 🙂 I said I’ll fight to stay where I am currently, so I shall.
Anyway, passed that wreckage week! I watched the new Beauty and the Beast. I thought it was good from what little I can remember from the animated film. It stayed in the path mostly with a bit of add on but it was pleasant! Even though we were late for the VIP food thingy because I got sidetracked…
After the movie, my friend and I were suppose to eat at the lounge but then the fire alarm started beeping.
And then an announcement went on and we had to get out. People were confused, slow- my friend was like a damn cat that slinked away through small cracks. I had to cut off rudely some of the slow walkers.
We ended up getting Pickle Barrel instead. It was so good though! I had the Spaghetti and Meatballs with two cups of coffee and a Tiramisu for dessert. It wasn’t extraordinary but it wasn’t bad for $23. Menu was bigger than I’d expect. I really like the free refills though! My heart may beg to differ with the amount of sugar I’ve pumped in my blood.
So far, this week has been a balance of trying not to kill anyone and wondering what exactly I’m doing. It’s like a crumbling cliff I’m standing on but I have a parachute that may or may not work. In the end, I just gotta have a bit of faith in myself and go out there to get whatever is necessary. Jobs, new homes, new names if everything goes to hell because I am prepared to change my name legally and hopefully, a new school at Fall! 👍
Life has been throwing me daggers relentlessly. Most of it was provoked by me though. Guess I can pay the price or see to it that I deflect said pointy, painful daggers.
We shall see who wins, Life. I ain’t about to give up mine.